


I have a love for you that nothing hides

by dri_br



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Carla is the best, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Insecure Eddie Diaz, M/M, No Christopher, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dri_br/pseuds/dri_br
Summary: “But perhaps you haven’t understood that Abby was the one who had Buck for just a few months, Eddie. You’ve had him for two whole years now. And I don’t think that boy is willing to leave or to let you go anytime soon, if ever.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), past - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 320





	I have a love for you that nothing hides

**Author's Note:**

> I swear it was supposed to be a short piece, but, well... Just my take on what I hope but totally know won't happen in tomorrow's episode.  
> Title taken from Patient Eyes, by PM Dawn  
> Unbetaed, so please forgive my mistakes.

The train derailment in itself was bad enough – to say the least. Add to it that they had to make do with granola bars for dinner instead of the mouth-watering food they had to leave behind at the station and that their well-owned rest after this last quarter of a twenty-four-hour shift had already become history. 

In Eddie’s experience, there would always be something that could get worse. So, why not?

One look at Buck, who seemed to be trying to understand how a mere power line connection could keep a whole train carriage from falling and crushing the ones lying upside down right below it, put Eddie on alert. Also behind that look, there was a full engine of its own trying to come up with ways to climb up the whole thing in the event of someone being stuck inside the metal trap, which was certainly a given.

It was part of their job, but Eddie didn’t have to love the prospect. In fact, he hated it, but just because he was sleeping with the man didn’t mean he could forbid the man he loved from taking risks. Besides that not being his call, it would be the shortest way to get himself benched or worse for the rest of their shift. He was an adult, he could deal. Also, someone had to be there to watch his partner’s – in every sense of the word – back, and Eddie trusted nobody but himself to play the role of Buck’s guardian angel, much to Cap’s gratitude and Buck’s resigned acceptance.

The 118 joined the other first responders on-site and soon Bobby had everyone assigned to different parts of the chaotic scene made of desperate people with different degrees of injuries hastily wandering around, crying, and looking for their loved ones amid the mangled metal, fallen debris, the thick smoke, and fire.

Due to his medical training, Eddie was helping stabilize the injured before sending them to a more thorough evaluation, many kicking and crying for not knowing whether the people they were leaving behind were dead or alive, while Buck followed orders to get to the passengers inside the cabins.

It felt like they had been at it for hours, and as they were joined by more and more firehouse units, there was no sign that they would be leaving anytime soon. At least, so far Buck was keeping himself out of trouble, handing Eddie the injured for a first triage before directing them to Hen and Chim for further care.

In between Buck’s comings and goings, Eddie spotted a woman stumbling in the uneven terrain, shouting for someone. He could not understand the name she was crying out, but he could see she was losing her balance with every step she took, and given the blood running down her forehead, he feared she would further hurt herself if he didn’t step in and tried to be of help.

“Ma’am, are you okay? Your head is bleeding. Are you dizzy?”

Eddie felt like he was talking to thin air. Perhaps he was because in her desperation the lady sidestepped him to carry on with her quest to find… Peter?

She was heading to the cabin he was on the lookout for, and if he weren’t fast, she would get inside and be of more trouble to the team working there. He rushed to step in front of her and held her by the arms.

“Ma’am, you can’t get in there.”

"I have to find him." Her voice was hoarse by tears, stress, or exhaustion, Eddie couldn't tell; perhaps a combination of all three given the circumstances. What Eddie knew was that he couldn’t let her go inside.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry but you can’t get in there. The first responders are doing whatever they can to save everyone inside. You have to step aside and let them do their work.”

“You don’t understand…”

“Believe me, I do,” he tried to reassure her. “But the best you can do to help whoever you’re looking for is to step aside and let us do our job.”

Her face crumbled and it looked like she was going to either cry or pass out, whatever happened first, when Eddie heard Buck, the man he loved, call out the name Eddie had no idea he could loathe and dread and lose his ground to all at once.

“Abby?”

*****

Hours later, the first vestiges of dawn found an exhausted Eddie back home sitting on the sofa, with his feet braced on the coffee table before him, and the weight of some not so well-founded hopelessness he had no idea could feel so heavy on his bones.

Unlike Buck, who Eddie thought would toss and turn in bed all night long, Eddie was the one who had to leave their bed because he couldn’t sleep.

Abby was back in town with her fiancé. A fiancé she apparently loved well enough to break every protocol she knew, being a former 911 dispatcher, to go back inside a literal train wreck, come hell or high water, to get her man back. 

Of course, Eddie could find some sympathy in the understanding of her acts. He loved Buck, he would do the same for him, and with a lot more violence, because unless someone knocked him out, he wasn't above _knocking_ someone out to wrangle his way inside the car hanging upside down and rescue his dumb boyfriend.

After all, that was what he almost did when said boyfriend decided he should be the one to climb up the cabin on the verge of falling down and tethering by something akin to paper clips, duct tape and sheer luck to rescue the guy who had stolen the heart of the woman Eddie knew Buck would forever love, if in a different capacity than from when they had first dated. It had been the same with Shannon, but Eddie at least had shared a kid with her; he owed it to her for the precious, invaluable gift she had given him.

But what had that woman given Buck besides a broken heart and years of solitude and abandonment that spoke for tons of how insecure Buck felt about himself, about his worthy? Eddie knew Buck felt lonely at times, insecure, and afraid he would be left behind yet again. After the situation with Red, there was a constant red blinking light and all kinds of bells ringing in Eddie's head whenever he felt he had not involved Buck enough in their everyday activities. He and Buck hadn’t been together for too long, less than six months. He needed more time to prove to Buck how essential he had become in Eddie’s and Christopher’s lives.

A very small, insignificant part of him knew Buck was just following orders to save as many people as they could, that he took all the means to protect himself and get the job done and come back to Eddie in one piece, both in body and in mind.

And then there was that huge part inside of Eddie too foolish to believe that the man he had left sleeping in his bed had totally, completely moved on from his first love. The way he had grabbed her hand and tried to pull her away from danger, ignoring Eddie who was standing right there, watching his future getting hold of his past and walking away from Eddie without a second glance.

But Buck had come back. After seeing to Peter’s safety and letting himself be pulled into a grateful hug from Abby, Buck had shared a tired, relieved smile with Eddie and marched right back to the wreckage, leaving Eddie in the middle of one of his own.

Buck had come home with him, was sleeping in Eddie’s bed, and not for the first time since they decided they would take this next step, Eddie feared once again he wouldn’t be enough.

Dios, what would he do if he couldn’t be enough for Buck? What would he tell Chris?

He heard the flush of the toilet and quickly wiped the corner of his eyes. Buck would have used the en suite, and he would have seen Christopher because they always left a nightlight on in the hall for him. So it had to be Carla coming from the guest room, and Eddie was not sure he was up to being vulnerable in front of her at ass crack of dawn if she decided to get something from the kitchen.

What she did, because what was a little more misery to wrap up a hell of a night, literally speaking.

She took her time filling a kettle with water and fussing the cabinets looking for the special tea she loved, and Eddie always made sure to have available for her.

He heard she open the upper cabinet in search of a couple of cups that clinked together – her way of making him know she would be joining him for a little while – the sugar for herself, and then the fridge to get the honey him and Christopher favored.

“Aren’t you one of the handsome fellas who just pulled a twenty-four-hour shift?” she asked handing him one of the cups before joining him on the sofa. “Careful. It’s piping hot.”

“Thanks,” he muttered and took a careful sip of the soothing drink. “That would be me.”

“And why aren’t you in bed with that other handsome fella? Assuming, of course, he followed you here, because where else would he go, right?”

“I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to disturb him.”

She laughed softly. “So you’d better hurry with your tea before that boy decides you’ve been gone and acting like a fool for too long and come to collect you.”

“Why do I have to be the one acting like a fool?”

“Who’s awake and drinking my tea at ass crack in the morning?”

“Touché,” he said, smiling softly.

“Is everything okay between Buckaroo and you?”

“Yeah, we’re good… I think, but… Abby’s back,” he finally blurted out, because there wasn’t much of a point trying to keep things from Carla. She had become a good friend of his who gave equally good pieces of advice and motherly chastising without making Eddie feel worse about himself. Only, aside from the hints and nudges, she would throw every now and then about when Buck or he would wake up and smell the flowers, that would be the first time she would be sharing her pills of wisdom about his love life since… well, they woke up and smelled the coffee, because he would most likely have already killed any flower he would have tried to touch and smell.

“Oh, so she finally got the courage to meet Peter’s family,” she said, with more enthusiasm than a person in need of empathy, like Eddie, would have appreciated. “I’m glad for her. He’s a good man.”

“So you knew about Peter?”

“Of course I knew about Peter!” she answered, half affronted, half amused. “We old people are into social media too I’ll have you know. Abby and I are Facebook friends, and I follow her on Twitter and Insta.”

This time Eddie laughed with her. “I know you are up to date with your media thing. I follow you too, remember?”

“Good,” she said, promptly taking another sip of her tea. “But I’m surprised you guys know about Peter.”

“They were in the accident. But they’re both fine,” Eddie rushed to clarify when Carla almost choked on her tea. “Peter is a little banged up, but he’s gonna be fine, and Abby just had some cuts and bruises. She will be okay, too.”

“Good, good.” She took another sip of her tea. “So I gather she is the reason you are wasting some precious hours of sleep sitting here in the dark. Because she’s back here in passing.”

“In passing?”

"Eddie, she lives in Ireland now. She has pictures of her, Peter, and his kids all over Europe on her Instagram.”

“Kids? She has kids?” Dios mio, Buck would be devastated.

She rolled her eyes but was still kind when she smiled at him. “I guess that’s what happens when you get into a marriage with kids. Just look at Buckaroo and Christopher, or are you going to tell me he doesn’t love that kid as if he weren’t his own?”

Eddie knew Buck was crazy about Christopher. He wouldn’t have started anything with Buck if he weren’t sure his son would be treasured and loved the way he deserved. But would it be enough to make Buck stay with him?

That sounded so pathetic. But people could just go ahead and sue him because he too could be stupid and insecure.

“What the heck are you talking about, child?”

Shit.

“Did I say that out loud?"

A raised eyebrow and he knew that yes, he had and that he was indeed a stupid fool for believing that.

“You think I’m stupid,” he sighed.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. Your eyebrow can be very dramatic.”

Carla laughed and ruffled his hair before taking another long sip of her tea. “So you listen to me and to my dramatic eyebrow when we tell you that that boy loves your son, yes, but that he is with you because you are you. Of course, that precious son of yours made this deal a lot sweeter, but you did most of the hard work yourself, Eddie.”

“Did I, really? So why do I feel so miserable?”

“Young people tend to feel this way, I guess,” she mused, stroking his hand and it felt good. “I’ve been married for so long sometimes I forget what it’s like to be young and in love. God bless my children for reminding me every now and then. And now I have to deal with you, too.”

This time he was the one to smile into his cup. “I appreciate the sentiment, Carla, thanks. But Buck had been into her for so long, years. We’ve hardly been together for four months. How do I compete with that?”

And wasn’t it the whole problem? How could he compete with a person who had been the first love of someone who would cling to anyone he loved with the same tenacity and ferocity a barnacle would to a rock?

“All right.”

Carla put her cup on the coffee table and did the same with his, just when he was about to take another sip of his tea.

“I wasn’t finished with that,” he protested.

"You are for now." Carla turned to face him and gently cupped his face to make sure he did the same. "Eddie, you know I used to help Abby with her mother, right?" He nodded and she continued, "I was also the one to push her into at least giving it a try with our Buckaroo because she wouldn't have done anything otherwise. And they were good for each other. It was beautiful to see what she did for him, and he did for her.”

“Are you sure you’re trying to help?”

She chuckled and swatted him on the arm. “Quiet. I haven’t finished yet. The difference is that, when Buck introduced us so I could help you with Christopher’s stuff, one look at the way you acted around each other, and I knew Abby would be history in that kid’s life in no time at all. And you know why?” Eddie must have made a back and forth motion with his head, too befuddled for words, because Carla patted his hand again before continuing. “Because I know you had known each other for a relatively short time then, but you never hesitated to put your trust in him with the most precious being in your care.”

“What you mean?”

“You trusted I could help you with Christopher because _he_ believed I could help you with Christopher. Most parents would at least ask for three different kinds of reference and a background check before letting me even know their children's names, let alone their vulnerabilities. But for you, Buck had been enough of a reference.”

It was true. Carla was a hundred percent right about everything she said. Despite their rocky start, after Eddie warily confessed to the team he had a son, once he showed Christopher’s picture to Buck – and just to Buck, not to the whole team, not even to Cap – and later when Buck offered to drive him to pick up Christopher at school because he could see Eddie had been frantic enough to wrap his car around a streetlight pole, Eddie _knew_ he had granted something to Buck he wasn’t sure he would ever want back.

“Okay, that says a lot about me, but what about him? He is the one who for two years was in love with a woman who left him behind without a second glance.”

“She did break things up with him, Eddie,” Carla rebuffed him a little defensively of Abby after all apparently they were still friends. "He was the one who chose to wait for her, even after she told him he didn't have to, that he _shouldn’t_. But again, back to that day, the way he smiled at you? Boy, was he beaming! And it was all because of you. Not me or the help he knew I could offer Christopher, but because of you. Took him some time because that boy is loyal to a fault, but, well, he is sleeping in whose bed now?”

He fidgeted a little, not comfortable at all with Carla mentioning Buck and his bed to his face, but, well, he was also feeling a little bit better about himself and their situation.

“So I am really being a fool.”

“Not at all, Eddie. You are entitled to have doubts. Anybody is.” She squeezed his hand and collected their cups to take them back to the kitchen. “But perhaps you haven’t understood that Abby was the one who had Buck for just a few months, Eddie. You’ve had him for two whole years now. And I don’t think that boy is willing to leave or to let you go anytime soon, if ever.”

In the end that was all Eddie had needed to have someone tell him: he had Buck for two years. Eddie vowed to himself, _for_ himself, and for Christopher, he would do everything in his power to keep Buck around for a real long time. Forever, if he could and managed to.

He stood up too and wrapped her in a tight hug full of the kind of gratitude the thanks he mumbled on the top of her hair would never convey how much he cherished and appreciated their conversation.

“Ah, you kids,” she chortled softly against his shoulder. “Now I’d better go to bed because I have to be up in a couple of hours to take your kid to school. You should use the free time to talk to Buckaroo about it. Don’t let it eat at you.”

“I won’t,” he said, walking her back to her room. “Sleep well and thanks for everything.”

“Don’t mention it. Now go back to bed because you’ve left that tall drink of water alone for too long.”

“I will. I’m just checking on Chris, and then I’m gone.”

She smiled and disappeared inside her room.

As per usual, his son was slumbering like there was no tomorrow. Thank God he wasn’t one of those cranky kids who gave their parents a hard time waking up in the morning.

Back into his bedroom, Buck was asleep clutching one of Eddie's pillows, sprawled on Eddie's side of the bed. Eddie quickly brushed his teeth and used the bathroom, and then he was back to bed, nudging Buck a little so Eddie could join him.

“Eddie?”

“Hey, mi amor. Sorry for waking you,” Eddie apologized.

“It’s okay.” Buck moved closer to him to drape an arm over Eddie’s chest and rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “You okay? You’ve been away for a while.”

“You knew?”

“Yeah.” Buck nuzzled his t-shirt and dropped a kiss on his chest. “I went after you, but then I heard voices and decided Carla could talk some good sense into your thick head better than I would. I was too tired for the job.”

“It’s been an intense night. Morning,” Eddie mused.

“Don’t I know it,” Buck mumbled, tightening his arm around Eddie. “Wanna talk about it?”

“In the morning,” Eddie yawned. “Care to join me for brunch? My treat.”

“As if I would say no to free food.” Buck nuzzled his chest again, then actually opened his eyes to look at Eddie. “Are you okay with the whole thing about Abby?”

“I am if you are.”

Buck smiled up at him and Eddie could swear he saw his forever in those blue eyes.

“So we are. And now let’s sleep because closure has a hell of a good impact on a tired body.”

“So that’s what it was to you? Closure?”

Buck kissed his lips and pinched his chin as if to prove that Eddie as awake and living that moment with him. Eddie smiled in appreciation of the gesture.

“But of course.” Buck smiled again and lowered his head back to Eddie’s chest. “What else could it be?”

*****

A couple of weeks later, Eddie was texting abuela about dinner plans for next Sunday while Chim, Buck, Hen, Gonzales Ivy, and Anderson played poker on the lounge table. According to what he could get every now and then, Hen was a saint for pairing up with Buck, because Eddie knew his boyfriend was hopeless at bluffing.

“Ah, Buck, if I didn’t love you so much,” Hen would say while Chim and Gonzales collected the spoils of yet another win. Eddie thought they were betting the washing for next week? He wasn’t sure, and the least he knew, the better to ignore Buck’s nagging for help with whatever he had got himself into doing. Because of course, he would involve Eddie in his schemes.

“Hey, everybody, we have a visitor,” Cap said, coming up the stairs.

The room went suddenly silent, and Eddie distractedly looked up from his phone to find no one other than Abby looking around the room and fussing with the strap of her purse, not so sure of herself now that she was back to a place people wasn’t looking at her with the same openness Eddie knew she had enjoyed while dating Buck. If nothing else, they were shocked she was even there.

“Abby?”

“Hi, Buck. Good afternoon.”

Okay, people didn’t usually talk about Abby in the firehouse in deference to what had become of Buck when he realized she wasn’t coming back. Still, Eddie had heard enough to learn their co-workers hadn’t had any kind of beef with her before she left.

But that greeting and awkward silence that followed? Man, wouldn’t they be up to some insanely uncomfortable moments with her there. Eddie almost, almost, felt sorry for her.

Buck stood up and took a couple of tentative steps towards where Cap was waiting with Abby. Their fellow co-workers exchanged looks around each other, probably because they weren’t so sure of what they should do. Chim and Hen, on the other hand, darted looks that varied from hostile towards Abby to concerned towards Buck and supportive towards Eddie.

As for Eddie himself, just one thought crossed his mind.

 _Mierda_.

Cap had moved from Abby’s side to Buck’s in a silent, reassuring gesture, his eyes focused on anything that could show the slightest sign of discomfort from Buck.

Eddie wished he could do the same, but the final result would be the total opposite of what he would be trying to accomplish. He hated it, but it wasn’t his show to run. It was Buck’s, and Eddie had to trust the strength of this thing they were slowly building together.

Buck was indeed the one person in the room to take control of the situation, so far turning his head to share a tender smile with Eddie and _that_ look.

The one reserved for just them rarely shared in public for all its intensity, all that Eddie was slowly associating to forever. The one look whose only focus was each other and the rest of the world could blow up and they would hardly take notice.

Eddie smiled back at him aiming to do the same for Buck and lower his level of anxiety about the whole thing. Gratitude and love twinkled in Buck’s eyes before he turned to take the final steps to reach the woman who had such a great influence on the man he was today. He smiled, openly, before reaching out his hand to pull her into a tender hug.

And that was when all the eyes turned back to Eddie.

Just great! Just the kind of attention he loved to have on himself. He fumbled with his phone to text abuela he would talk to her again later. For now, if Buck needed some kind of closure, so did Eddie.

He braced himself and looked up to the pair. He could do this. Abby was Buck’s past. Eddie was his present and would hopefully be his future.

“Hey, you remember Hen and Chim, right?”

“Sure. Hi,” she said, a nervous smile playing on her lips. Hen, God bless her heart, was the first one to say a friendly hi, followed by all the others but Chim, who just nodded at her. Maddie would be glad her boyfriend was playing her part so well.

Abby returned their smiles, then turned her attention back to Buck. “I came to properly say thank you for what you all did that night. You saved our lives.”

Buck shrugged and dropped his arms, letting her go. The smile, however, was still there. “Just doing our jobs, but thanks. Is he okay?”

"Oh, yes. He spent a couple of days in the hospital, but he's fine now." She paused for a second as if considering what to say next. "We're heading back to Ireland tomorrow.”

"Right, of course. I, I hope you have a safe trip back home. To Ireland, I mean."

Abby sighed relieved, and her smile lost a little bit more of that edge of apprehension tensing the corners of her lips. And so did Buck’s, and finally, Eddie was able to smile too, just a little.

Relief was a freaking, freeing weird thing.

“I should go,” she said, still a little unsure of herself around Buck. “We have a very early flight tomorrow. But it was good seeing you again, Buck.”

“it’s good to see you’re doing fine, too, Abby. But I’d like you to meet someone before you go.”

Huh?

“You’ve met the others before, but not him,” Buck said, walking side by side with Abby towards Eddie, who had no other choice but to stand up and wait for them and ignore the collective gasps going around them. And to think they were all adults here. Really, the 118 owed nothing to high school. “This is Eddie, my boyfriend.” 

Shaking hands with Abby was a way less awkward experience than Eddie thought it could be. Perhaps because when she said she was genuinely happy for Buck and him, he believed her.

“Take care of him,” she said, and Eddie detected nothing but sincerity in the soft way she smiled at him. “You won’t find anyone better than this one out there. I’m really happy for the two of you.”

“I’ll walk Abby out and then I have to talk to you about next week washing,”

“What did you get me into, mi novio?”

Buck grinned and walked Abby away.

Eddie let his full-body fall on the couch, closed his eyes and let out a huge, noisy sigh that sounded like a breathless wheezy.

“Hey, you okay?” Hen asked, patting his thigh as she joined him on the couch.

Eddie peeked at her through one open eye and smiled. “Could have been worse, right?”

“I don’t think so,” she said, returning his smile just as kindly. “Buckaroo has got your back from the beginning. You’re lucky to have each other.”

 _You’ve had him for two whole years now_.

“You know what, Hen? You may be just right.”

Then he kissed Hen on the cheek and closed his eyes to wait for Buck to say his final goodbyes to Abby and come back to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I was aiming at more angst here, but I just couldn't. Not when Carla got involved and took over the fic. As usual, I hope it made sense, even if English is not my native language. I know I need a beta, but my working hours are so crazy I'd never be able to really honor all the hard work it would take.  
> Thanks for taking your time to read my little fic.  
> Stay home and be safe.


End file.
